Recently, while browsing Pinterest, I came across a board of quotes that were designed to appeal to “smart women”. I consider myself a smart woman, so I clicked, and looked inside. I was repulsed by what I found—bitchy quote after bitchy quote, praising the merits of supposedly “smart” albeit, bossy women.
Here are some examples:
For some reason that board got stuck in my head. It bothered me and got under my skin. So I began to really think about what exactly rubbed me the wrong way, and I came to a few conclusions.
The pervasive idea that this board was trying to promote was that men do not like strong, smart women, and are intimidated by these smart woman creatures, as they possess a special prowess that threatens masculinity.
It was nauseating.
But, the more I thought about it, the more women I know came to mind. Many of my female friends, acquaintances and family members hold the same beliefs as this board, so, of course, I have to write about it.
Myth: Men dislike intelligent women
Fact: Men dislike bitchy women.
Look, here’s the thing—I’m smart. Not NASA engineer or nuclear physicist smart, but I could probably be a doctor if I applied myself. And here’s another thing—not one time in my extensive “dating career” has this been a deterrent to men dating me. If anything, it has made me a more attractive prospect because of it. Men have commented on my intelligence and logic, saying how it is a breath of fresh air to finally meet someone they can converse with.
BUT, (and this is the key), I am not an aggressive, bitchy know-it-all. I don’t wear my “intelligence” on my sleeve. It’s not my badge of honor or my identity. I do not wield it over others. I don’t speak in a condescending manner, and I’m not pretentious.
When having conversations with others, I listen. I am curious. I ask questions and engage. I don’t pretend to be an omniscient being who knows literally everything. I’m actively engaging, not just waiting for my turn to beat you over the head with my so-called intelligence. And as a result, men have been nothing but great to me because of it.
Myth: Men are intimidated by your strength and/or intelligence
Fact: Your ball-busting makes his testicles shrivel
I have heard so many women say this. And every time, and I mean every. single. time., it is a bossy, domineering woman saying it. I don’t know if these women have actually deluded themselves into believing this, or if it’s some sort of evolutionary psychiatric protective mechanism designed to coddle their fragile egos, but it’s not true.
When you are bossy and dominating, you are advertising to men (and everyone else), that you’re a lot of fucking work, and he had better go along with your ideas, no matter how outlandish, or he will have heaps of drama thrown at him. Yeah, um, no thanks. That sounds terrible to me, and it sounds terrible to any masculine man.
Think about it—most men are around other men all day long at the office. They are loud, and aggressive and bossy, and there is always some power play involved. Why on earth would a man want to go home, only to be greeted by another aggressive domineering individual.
Men like soft women. And no, soft does not equal weak. Gentleness is a trait of the strong, but that’s another topic.
Myth: Men like dumb women
Fact: Men like nice women
I don’t know who started this crazy idea, but it needs to go. Sure, I know there are probably some psycho men out there who truly do enjoy dumb women who will be totally okay with being treated like a doormat, but this is not most men, and certainly not any that you’d want to be with.
I think this idea is promoted because you see airhead women who never have any problem getting dates or having boyfriends. It’s kind of like the whole correlation vs. causation thing in scientific studies—two things may be related, but that doesn’t mean one is caused by the other.
It’s the same thing here—dumb women get boyfriends, therefore, men are attracted to dumb women. I think that’s false. Rather, I think men are attracted to nice, easy-going women. Airheads are usually pretty nice and easy going. And it just so happens that smart women are usually high maintenance and bitchy. But I firmly believe, given a choice between a dumb, nice woman or a smart, nice woman, the man will choose smart over dumb.
These are my own theories, and I don’t actually have any proof if they’re true or not. My only experience is my own, and that of my female friends. Girls, don’t dumb yourself down—that’s not the message. It’s great to be smart—I would hate to be anything else. Don’t be a raging bitch, and it will all work out.